Coping with Stress, Grief & Anxiety with Professional Counselor Michelle Nietert

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November 20, 2020 - Episode #40 - Coping with Stress, Grief & Anxiety with Professional Counselor Michelle Nietert​
We wake up with our minds racing and our hearts pounding.  Anxiety sets in before we even open our eyes.  How do we cope during these unprecedented times?

We are all feeling a bit weary and I have a special treat for you today.  I’m inviting you to be a part of a conversation between myself and licensed professional counselor Michelle Nietert.  Michelle is a speaker, author, counselor and the Founder and Clinical Director of Community Counseling Associates in Allen, Texas.
 
Most importantly, she is a wife and mom.  Listen in as we discuss the rising numbers of depression and anxiety and when to seek professional help.  Michelle gives us permission to grieve and provides effective coping strategies including ways to find your joy this holiday season.  We touch on mindfulness and setting intentions. Michelle Nietert is an eating disorder specialist, so if you have found yourself emotional eating and/or emotional drinking, then this episode is definitely for you.  

I know you will be encouraged by our conversation.  We are all struggling mentally and emotionally and there is help!  You are not alone.  Please, read that again, you are not alone!
After listening to this podcast, if you decide that you need that extra help.  You can find Michelle and her team of counselors at www.communitycounselingassociates.com and you can find me right here at www.inspirehealthyharmony.com
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FULL TRANSCRIPT

November 20, 2020 - Episode #40 - Coping with Stress, Grief & Anxiety with Professional Counselor Michelle Nietert​

Speaker 1:
Welcome to the Healthy Harmony podcast. I’m Jennifer Pickett, your host, your health coach, your friend. These are some rough times we are having and I think we're all feeling a bit weary. I have a special treat for you today. I'm inviting you to be a part of a conversation between myself and licensed professional counselor. Michelle Nietert. Michelle is a speaker, author, counselor, and is the Founder and Director of Community Counseling Associates in Allen, Texas. Most importantly, she's a wife and a mom. Listen in, as we discuss stress, grief and how to cope during these crazy difficult times.

I am so excited to be joined by my friend, Michelle Nietert today. She is a licensed professional counselor, and what I love about her is she is as real as it gets. And so that's exactly what you want to hear, right? Michelle, thank you so much for joining us.

Speaker 2:
Well, I would agree with you on that and thanks so much for having me, but I feel like if counselors aren't real and direct, a lot of times clients get lost in the process of change.

Speaker 1:
That's a very, very good point. And I think it's so important for us who are helping others to just be real and vulnerable. We are people with problems and we manage our problems and sometimes we have specific strategies that can help others. But the reality is that we don't have it all figured out. Would you agree with that statement?
 
Speaker 2:
Well, since I just confess to you that I've been struggling with some late night eating this week, so I would have to agree with that. I even know exactly what to do if you want to binge or kind of let loose in a way that may not align with your weight loss or your healthcare goals, but it's still hard to put those in practice sometimes because we're human.

Speaker 1:
We are, we are, and there's just difficult times. So let's kind of go into our first question, you know, 2020 has just knocked us down. I mean, you know, we find ourselves in a place of overwhelm and so many are struggling with anxiety and depression and it seems to just suffocate us. So what would you say to that person?

Speaker 2:
First? I would kind of want to talk to them about the severity of the anxiety and depression. So if we're a little sad and we're a little like stressed, that's one thing. But if we're really using those words, because those words have medical and clinical definitions, then at that point I would really encourage the people who are struggling. You know, maybe you've had treatment before. Maybe you've had counseling in the past, but I have so many clients who come back to me for a quick check-in after like some struggles start showing up or some symptoms start showing up and I will ask them things like, how's your morning mindset going? And you know, they're like, they start laughing. They're like, maybe I should work on that and then make another appointment because I just realized all the things I was doing that you set up in my treatment plan. I haven't been doing. And I think morning mindset I'm working. I actually had an offer on a book for that topic of mindset. We're all going to have to work on that. We cannot afford to wake up and think, how do I feel when we wake up? How do I want to feel? And then think about what do I need to think to make that feeling happen in my life, in my body.

Speaker 1:
Yes. Yes. And I think especially now, it's just easy to feel, very overwhelmed. And as we look at the state of our world and especially as we get into the holidays, but I'm finding for me mindset makes all the difference in the world and exactly what you just said when we're looking at that day ahead of us. It's early in the morning, you know, I have a little sticky note right by my desk. And it says, you choose your mindset every morning like you choose your outfit. So it is a very conscious choice. And that is something that I'm working on, that I encourage my coaching clients to work on is choosing that mindset. Getting back to your counseling your patients with anxiety and depression. Why is there such a stigma that goes along with counseling? I think we should all be getting counseling. Cause I look at it as such a necessary part of overall wellness. But why do you think there's this big stigma associated with it?

Speaker 2:
Well, I think we need to look at mental illness versus counseling. I think that we still have a culture when you're dealing with a very severe mental illness. That's out of control. That that is very different than somebody who's struggling. Like right now, if you want to know the statistics, they're not good. Okay. So one in four adults before we hit COVID, were struggling with some form of depression, some level or intensity. I believe that within two months of COVID the National Institute of Mental Health released new statistics, one in three, and you know, that's going to trickle through families and kids as well. But I think it's something that we need to acknowledge that we are going to be struggling with at times is possibly, you know, on a scale, some of these things, we're going to have some negative thinking. We're going to have some energy struggles, possibly we are going to be fighting feelings of overwhelmed because part of what our whole culture is experiencing is grief. And all the things that I just talked to you about are involved in grief. And so we lost opportunities. We have lost a way of living and being. And so I just want to give permission for people to struggle, but then I want to give them information so they can struggle well, Jenn. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
Yes. I love that. I love how you're recognizing that this is grief and, and just a real personal note here for the listeners. The reason I asked Michelle to come on here is that she has been my personal counselor in the past and it was right after I lost my mom. Well, excuse me, it took me a year to go into counseling, even though I had recommended this to so many others for so long after working in oncology, it took me a year. And Michelle, I remember you really talking me through those stages of grief and that we don't just move through those phases of grief. And then we're onto the next one. But sometimes it just comes in waves. And that's a powerful reminder because we are in a season of grieving. We are grieving our previous way of life. And there's so many things that we took for granted and I love how you're giving us permission to grieve.
 
Speaker 2:
Yeah. And to grieve well, we're going to need to slow down at times to do that. And then at times we might need to speed up. I don't know. And I want to make this disclaimer because there's some rules regarding counselor relationships and their clients. You have not seen me for years. So this is, it's been a very long time. Right?

Speaker 1: 
Right.

Speaker 2:
I'm not allowed to do this with the client I've seen in the last two years. So it's been some time, but I should have said that. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1: 
You're totally fine.

Speaker 2:
I just don't want somebody to be like, what is up here? Some somebody's professional wondering, but you know, grief, it does come in waves. We are in this season, but sometimes I don't know if you remember this, but we also need to distract ourselves from grief. So I am a fan of taking time to grieve. I am a fan of taking really great care of ourselves right now, because we're not talk about this all the time. Jen, mental health and physical health are like a marriage, can’t have one without the other.
 
Speaker 1:
I hear you. I hear you. So how do we grieve? Well, how do we, how do we do that well, and then what are some good examples of what someone can do for a distraction?

Speaker 2:
Well, I am, you know, me, I'm all about the fun. So I have been working really hard with my clients to make a list of 10 things, at least that they can do now in the culture they're living in, that would be fun for them, whether it's sitting on the patio with a friend, six feet apart, whether it's going for a walk in just a really beautiful setting that you can drive to pretty easily and getting on your favorite, pump it up music. You know, my daughter's listening to eighties music, my 13 year old, it's cracking me up! Or taking a drive, putting the sun roof down. You know, there's so many options, I think when going to go with distraction, I mean, I'm going to confess, I have consumed some huge seasons of Netflix for sure.

Speaker 1:
Oh, I confess. I've done the same. I completely confess that. Yes.
 
Speaker 2:
I think we all have. Yes. And I think there's a place for that. My husband was like, why are you watching that? And I'm like, it's funny. And we need to laugh! Endorphins, go with that laughter. In fact, I was thinking today, one of my favorite things to do like a decade ago was to watch the Seinfeld bloopers on YouTube. My grandma and I sat there one night and just laughed and laughed and laughed. And so I might need to get those out again. You know, you can revisit things that brought you joy before, but you know, we're in a season where we talk about our homes and what brings us joy. But Jen, I'm just, you know, I'm real. Like you can go in areas of my home right now. I just got done being a Christian writer's conference. There's just a lot going on in the practice.  My kids are really getting back to being busy again and there, there are some rooms in my home that tell me I need to work. They don't bring me any joy, but I try to focus on at least one room that I can always be in, in my home. And I might bring some fresh, fresh flowers in there. I might light a candle there, you know, to bring us joy because one thing I think when we deal with grief that we can always ask ourselves. And I think we can ask ourselves this period is what could make this easier? And what can make this more pleasurable for me, especially when we're trying to do hard things?

Speaker 1:
Those are two great questions. And I love how you put that. Just that. What brings you joy? Is that watching something that brings you joy is that maybe making a little minor tweak in a room, you know, like putting some fresh flowers in there, burning a candle and that might bring you joy and we're all unique and different. And I think it really plays into that mindfulness like, wait a minute, this is what brings me joy. It had, doesn't have to look like what brings anybody else joy right, because it's about you. It's about at that personalized, customized approach.

Speaker 2:
Yes. And that's why sometimes I think we do need some time, some individualized help because sometimes what brings one person or what works to help one person doesn't help the other. If I could write one book on depression and that's all we'd ever need, but we'll need to hear things too over and over again. They need to hear them in different voices. They also need to hear them in different styles. And, and also I remember a really wise mentor telling me, hun, as much as you do, it's not going to be about what you know, but what you remember and what you practice and that's where, you know, your game of those healthy habits and routines that become almost inherent to us.

Speaker 1:
Yes, most definitely. So you know, we've spoken about grieving and, and even, you know, incorporating some things that bring us joy. I know our tendency is to turn to it. Especially during this horrible pandemic, we're dealing with stress and anxiety by turning to food and alcohol. And now we're into the holiday season where again, our tendency is to turn to food and alcohol as a means of coping as a means of numbing the pain. So let's unpack that a little bit with some coping strategies for all of us.

Speaker 2:
Well, we're going to start about why we want to turn to those because there are chemicals. Alcohol is a depressant. It is going to relax you. But I warn my clients who are taking antidepressant medicine or are considering it. You are pouring the counteractive chemical in your body when you drink alcohol. So you need to think about how much of that assuming, and then the next thing is food. Most of the foods we crave have sugar in them or boost insulin levels. And that is going to once again, give us an endorphin hit. And so I want to normalize why we want to do it, but then here's the thing I have to ask myself this a lot and I probably should have done it last night. Do you want short-term pleasure or do you want long-term joy in your life? And unfortunately yeah, those things offer the short term a lot of times. So we got to think about the long-term maybe taking a walk, maybe calling a friend maybe just, you know what I should've done last night, Jen, if I'm totally honest with you, I should've just gone to bed early because sleep is so helpful. And I was so excited the night before about a TV interview that I just didn't get enough sleep. And so my, my tired mind doesn't make as good a choices either.
 
Speaker 1:
Yeah, you're, you're exactly right. And there's just a lot of good science that backs that up when we don't get good sleep the next day, not only are we tired and feeling kind of depressed because of the serotonin and the dopamine. But also like we are hungrier and we're craving sweets, which is absolutely crazy. So it's just important to look at that. So I love how you stated, you know, let's look at why it's happening. What would be some other coping strategies for someone who this is just their tendency and turn to those choices, the alcohol and the food.

Speaker 2:
Okay. So I think we have got to step back first. So if you are going to make decisions in the moment, I just want you to understand your toddler brain is at work and we need to tap in to the grownup brain. So in order to decide what I'm going to do well at eight o'clock at night. I need to decide that the night before or in the morning of, when my brain is working well and set an intention. So that's why, you know, you get into this. That's why we make decisions about what we're going to eat. And then when we're tempted to go that other route, we remind ourselves that toddler brain, Hey, this is why I'm not doing this. It's going to feel good for the moment, like a toddler lollipop, but it's not going to give you what you want in the long run because the extra weight is going to harm the way your body works, the way your brain thinks everything else.

Speaker 1:
Oh, okay. I can't agree more. I think it's that, that area of just being very, very mindful, you know, setting your your intentions ahead and not trying to make a decision when you're at your weakest moment, when you're stressed and anxious and absolutely exhausted, but setting forth those intentions, tapping into that grownup brain, as you said, I love that, but I think it's also being mindful of what is what's driving this decision of mine and kind of tapping into our feelings, you know, okay, am I turning to that glass of wine because I'm stressed out, am I turning to that sugary dessert because I'm really anxious and I'm depressed and I'm thinking this might make me feel better. This is my comfort food. So I think it's kind of being mindful again and recognizing where we're at in the first place. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
I have clients so as an eating disorder specialist, I usually have them make a list of things that can do instead and just maybe revisit that list. And sometimes it's good to put a post-it on the pantry. Like I had a kid, a great client who put on the pantry and her daughter was like, thank you mom. Like it said, if you're bored, don't open the pantry. And you know, I think we're into that right now. We're sitting in our houses a lot. We're kind of restless sometimes we're, we're just going in that pantry to shop because we're bored. And so we need to think of some other things to do because we can't go maybe have dinner at a fun restaurant with a friend or maybe go to an event we aren't as busy as we were. And so we need to think about what are we going to do instead? So we don't hit that pantry.

Speaker 1:
Oh, I love it. I love it. It's just those coping strategies. And I love the idea of making a list of what you can do instead. And this is so very similar to what I go through with my clients, you know, outside of that mindfulness of just having some good coping strategies, whether that's kind of tapping into that evening routine, that morning routine being very mindful the deep breathing, you know, taking a hot bath and, or finding what brings you joy. It's, it's all of these kind of customized strategies. And we have to kind of get in touch with ourselves and know what works for us so that we don't fall into this trap over and over again. Well, Michelle, our time is up and I'm so sad about that, but are there any like parting, encouraging words that you want to share with our audience?

Speaker 2:
I think I want to say that no matter what happened last night, if you're listening to this - today is a new day and that is the greatest gift sometimes I think we've been given. And I think sometimes we think, well, it's already over. I blew it. You know, I might as well keep going. And I just want to say to people, maybe you're struggling with some negative thinking today could be a new day to change that maybe you're spending too much time thinking about the future. And so you are very overwhelmed and you need to live in the present a little bit more, or maybe you just didn't make such great choices. You woke up this morning with that foggy, hazy feeling that comes from overeating, or I like to say over drinking. And cause a lot of times we don't have intention going on. We've just got an excess. And so it's a chance to start over. But if you wait until that weak moment, again, you're more likely to repeat the same pattern. So the other thing you can do as well is like have somebody in your life, check in on you too. And that's where I think you and I come in, Jenn, having a coach, having a counselor, you know, you can, you can involve a friend unless she's just going to excuse all I did. You know, it's not that big a deal. It's not that big a deal. But if you want something more for yourself, maybe it's time to get a little bit of extra help during the season because you don't have as much access. Maybe even to the people who are your greatest supports right now.

Speaker 1:
Oh, I couldn't agree more. And you know, guys, if you're looking for that, if you're looking for that help, you know, you're at that point in your life, God, I need something and you're not sure what I just want to encourage you to, to reach out. Sometimes meeting with their friend is enough, but other times you need some good help that you're going to get from a coach, from a counselor. So Michelle, I want to make sure that everybody knows where they can find you. So can you tell us where we can find you?

Speaker 2:
Like if you are local and in the Texas area, our website is communitycounselingassociates.com. We've got a dozen, over a dozen, therapists who would love to serve. Who love to help you. You don't have to come in the office if you don't want to, we offer telehealth. In fact, we're kind of encouraging it right now. And then if you're looking for just some great resources that are on mental health and faith and even parenting, you can find me @ yourmentalhealthcoach.com. I just had a book released in September. It is a beautiful gift book for girls, and now I'm working on that next book for mindset. So, but I I'm all over social media. I just did a TV recording. I'm so happy to serve the public and just encourage people to take away that stigma of mental health and began to just talk about these things and change them.

Speaker 1:
Oh, I love it. I love it. Michelle. Thank you so much for joining us guys. Remember to reach out if you need help, if you're looking for a health coach and you're looking to take that next step and get control go to inspirehealthyharmony.com and click on the coaching tab. And you just heard Michelle tell you where you can reach her at counseling associates. I'm sorry, communitycounselingassociates.com. Is that right? Michelle. All right. I love it guys. Thank you so much for joining us. And until we meet again, have a healthy and happy day. Bye y'all.
 
I know you will be encouraged by our conversation.  We are all struggling mentally and emotionally and there is help!  You are not alone.  Please, read that again, you are not alone!
After listening to this podcast, if you decide that you need that extra help.  You can find Michelle and her team of counselors at www.communitycounselingassociates.com and you can find me right here at www.inspirehealthyharmony.com.